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Sample work

Please note that these pieces of work are presented verbatim. They have not been edited or amended in any way.
Course taken: Omega 2 Name: Emily Choo Age: 14 Time in Cosmotots: 10 years

Essay title: Bad Teachers

Bad teachers treats their students badly and takes advantage of their position.

Bad teachers vent their anger on students when they haven’t done anything wrong. These types of teachers may have started their day with a really bad mood, probably because the teacher had a fight with her husband or his wife. As a result the teacher goes to school, enters the class, and start scolding the students with reasons like “You idiots are just too noisy!” Some teachers might even whack his or her students for no certain reason. On the other hand, a good teacher may be sad or angry when he or she enters the school, but he or she can control her temper and not venting their anger on the oh-so-innocent students.

A bad teacher may also force his or her students to do lots of homework, but not marking the students’ homework and not returning their works. These teachers are irresponsible because they don’t do their job. The students progress depends on the teacher who is supposed to teach, guide and mark their homework, but the teacher makes their schedule fully occupied with the great load of homework and not telling them their mistakes. As a result the students will repeat their mistakes again and again. Also, the student childhood or teenagehood might be all about homework when other students’ childhood is about studying hard and playing hard.

Bad teachers take class funds from the students for personal use. The students pays their “fees” to the teacher but they don’t know that the money ends up in shopping malls instead. These teachers are just too money-minded that they can even resort to doing such things. They are like policeman who “rasuah’s” and catches citizens for no certain reason and coming up with reasons like “oh, your speed limit exceeded 2 km/h. You have to pay me two hundred dollars for that.” To the teachers, it is like a shortcut to be rich, but they are doing it without putting any effort because they are taking advantage of their position.

Remarks:

Emily brings a lot of maturity and discipline to this essay. Firstly, her structure is crystal clear: each paragraph is well balanced and deals with a well-defined area. Secondly, she systematically explores the topic by applying discrete developing techniques: thinking through causes and effects; contrasting (bad teachers with good ones); and comparing (bad teachers with corrupt policeman). At times, her vocabulary lets her down (‘teenagehood’, ‘rasuah’) but she is able to overcome such errors by consistently providing relevant examples and explanations.
Course taken: Explorer Name: Yap Wing Ee Age: 10 Time in Cosmotots: 4 years, 8 months

Essay title: Holidays

Holidays are dangerous. When you go to a shopping centre at another country, you would not know what they are talking about. They might tell a lie to you and take all your money away. When you go to a place that always have an earthquake, you might get scared. You might wonder if an earthquake is going to happen now or not. You might get tricked by the people there and get into trouble. For example, people might come and talk to you and when you answer back, you would get the black magic from them. They might control you and ask for all the money you have.

Holidays are horrible. Before you reach your destination, you will seat on an airplane. You will vomit after the travel on the airplane. That way you would not have fun in your holidays because you are sick. When you go to places like Brazil or Korea’s restaurant you would not know what is written on the menu because the languages are different. That way, you would not know what to eat and may get hungry. When you go to places when it is winter, you will think it is too cold for you and would not go outside. That way, your holidays would be terribly horrible.

Holidays make me feel uncomfortable. The people in other countries look different. When you meet them you will feel uncomfortable and feel odd. When it’s night time, you will go to your hotel to go to bed. The bed in the hotel will be different from the bed at your home. You would feel uncomfortable. You would not have a good sleep. On the next morning, you will have eye bags. The eye bags would get thicker because you would not have a good sleep for days.

Remarks:

In just 40 minutes, Wing Ee was able to produce this well fleshed-out essay. It is an achievement in itself to write 300 words in such a short space of time. However, the best thing about this essay is not its length, but the quality and variety of its ideas. Wing Ee darts around from ‘earthquakes’ to ‘foreign menus’ to ‘winter’ to ‘eye bags’ without ever neglecting to explain each item fully. There are some weaknesses in this piece of writing, of course. For instance, the structure could do with some tidying up (each paragraph is not sufficiently distinct from the others). Overall, though, this essay demonstrates a lot of intelligently-channelled energy.
Course taken: Voyager Name: Liew Sin Yee Age: 8 Time in Cosmotots: 3 years, 1 month

Essay title: I think that Buck in The Call of the Wild has been a lucky/unlucky dog.

I think Buck has been a lucky dog. He is treated very well by most owners. John Thornton treated him very well by taking care of him. He make sure Buck’s wounds heal. Judge Miller also treat him well when buck was cold,he let Buck in and sit by the fireplace. Furthermore, Buck survive many times. When the Yeehats killed Bucks friendly teammates, Buck challenged back and killed them. When Hal wants to go to cross the river,the sled fell and the others drown but not Buck, because he got saved by John Thrnton. When Hal, Charles and Mercedes is their owner, some of the dogs died because they were starving and tired but not Buck.

Remarks:

Sin Yee has demonstrated a whole range of impressive skills in this paragraph. Firstly, her comprehension of the text is very strong: she is able to retain and apply specific details like 'sit by the fireplace'. Secondly, she is methodical in setting out her points: she states two approaches ('treated well' and 'survive') and then supports them with appropriate evidence. Thirdly, she has great focus: every single word in this paragraph is relevant and purposeful; she never wanders off topic. Finally, she is very clear in communicating her ideas and only makes a few minor grammatical errors.
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